Funny Valentine and Valentine days Jokes

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Funny valentine
Funny valentine

Funny Valentine and Valentine days Jokes

Chemistry In The Soup Kitchen

While volunteering in a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed because the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married. So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a Living. He replied, “I’m a priest.”

Groucho Marx on Make Outs

Whoever named 
it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.

Dreaming of Gifts

One morning Emma woke up with a start.  Her husband Jim asked what was the matter, she told him, “I just had a dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight,” Jim said.

That evening, Jim home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, Emma opened it – only to find a book entitled “The meaning of dreams”.

Gardener in Love

Q:  What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?

A: It made him wed his plants! 

Love Winnings

Q: Why does Cupid always make so much money at the casino?
A: Because he’s a Valentine’s Card Shark.

Cute Angles

If you were a triangle you’d be acute one.

My Better Half

Q: What did the toast say to the butter on Valentine’s Day?

A: You’re my butter half!

A Good Looking Muffin

Q: What did one muffin say to the other on Valentine’s Day?

A: You’re my stud-muffin!

One in a Million

Q: What did one watermelon say to the other on Valentine’s Day?

A: You’re one in a melon!

Beating Hearts

Q: What did one beet say to the other on Valentine’s Day?

A: You make my heart beet faster!

Single Savings

I just saved a bunch of money on Valentine’s Day by switching to single.

Single Savings

I just saved a bunch of money on Valentine’s Day by switching to single.

Mushroom Love

Q: What did one mushroom say to the other on Valentine’s Day?

A: “There’s so mushroom in my heart for you!”

Cannoli Gift

I gave my girlfriend a cannoli for Valentine’s Day.

When she asked why, I said, “I cannoli be happy when I’m with you.”

Expensive Date

What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? February 14th.

Man Overboard

Q. What is the difference between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean?
A. One is bored over a man the other is a man overboard.

Loving Lettuce

Q. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?
A. Because it’s all heart.

Thankful Friends

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frank you for being my friend!

Olive Lovers

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Olive
Olive who?
Olive you!

Funny Valentine and Valentine days Jokes

Our Favorite Hashtags on Dating

#GeekPickupLines: My name’s Microsoft … can I crash at your place tonight?    

#RobotPickupLines: “You had me at 100100010000101100110010011001001111.”

#ThatAwkwardMoment: When someone says “Hello!” and you say “Good, thanks!”

#MySexLifeinMovieTitles: Home Alone

She Shoots, She Scores!

Why should you never breakup with a goalie?

Because he’s a keeper.

Tailor-Made Quips

My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.

“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?”

“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”

Prepare for Takeoff

My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?”

“Yes,” she said, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”

Funny Valentine and Valentine days Jokes

Small puns:

  • Girl: “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.” Boy: “Really?” Girl: “Yeah, you make me sick!”
  • What did the valentines day card say to the stamp? Stick with me and you’ll go places

Q: Why is horse racing so romantic? A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, but nothing compared to you.

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Arrive naked… with beer.

Q/A:

Funny Valentine and Valentine days Jokes

: What do you call two birds in love?
A: Tweethearts!
Q: What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day?
A: I’m nuts about you!
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts!
Q: What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: Somebunny loves you!
Q: What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: Whale you be mine!
Q: What did the boy bear say to the girl bear on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you beary much!
Q: What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day?
A: You are bee-utiful!
Q: What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine’s Day?
A: Owl be yours!
Q: What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine’s Day?
A: Your purr-fect for me!
Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: Lets hang out!
Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you a ton!
Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?
A: You’re not so baaaa-d!
Q: Why is Valentine’s Day a good day for a party?
A: Because you can really party hearty!
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?
A: I’m stuck on you!
Q: What is a vampire’s sweetheart called?
A: His ghoul-friend!
Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: Be my valenstein!
Q: What did the ghost say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
A: By my valenslime
Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
A: Hogs and Kisses!
Q: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream on Valentine’s Day?
A: I’m sweet on you!
Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?
A: Cauliflowers!
Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day?
A: My heart beats for you!
Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?
A: Ughs and kisses!
Q: What do you call a very small Valentine?
A: A valentiny!
Q: What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine’s Day?
A: You can count on me!
Q: What did the pickle say to the other pickle?
A: You mean a great dill to me!
Q: What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb?
A: I love you a watt!

Knock, Knock Jokes

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Olive
Olive who?
Olive you!
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Emma
Emma who?
Emma hoping  I get lots of cards on Valentine’s Day!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Frank
Frank who?
Frank you for being my friend!
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Sherwood
Sherwood who?
Sherwood like to be your valentine!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Luke
Luke who?
Luke who got a Valentine!
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Pooch
Pooch who?
Pooch your arms around me!
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Jimmy
Jimmy who?
Jimmy a little kiss!
Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Atlas
Atlas who?
Atlas, its Valentine’s Day!

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